TRIED TO TAKE MY LIFE MANY TIMES
Monera Mande lives in the southern Philippines, but she doesn't look typically Filipino. The background is this: Monera's mother went to Saudi Arabia as a teenager to earn money. It's very common for Filipinos, but at the age of eighteen she became pregnant with the neighbor of the family where she was a maid. Monera is the child she gave birth to. Since it is strictly forbidden for Saudis to have children with strangers, her mother had to return home in a hurry, scared and traumatized. Monera's appearance means that she cannot deny her difference. She herself became a victim of abuse at the age of seven or eight and has experienced more pain in her life than most.
Here she shares:
When you know with yourself that something in your heart is not as it should be, when you can literally feel that you are not whole, that there is something missing, then you understand that you never experienced a father's love growing up. At Pastor Rudy’s house, I sometimes saw him hugging his daughter, and I felt so jealous. I thought to myself, “Maybe this is what life is like when you really have a father.” There were times when I really felt sorry for myself and was jealous. I also wanted to experience being hugged by a father. To have a father I could ask for anything. I have never experienced that. But I am very grateful to God that I understand what the purpose of my life is. Before, I would say to myself, “Lord, I feel like such an unhappy person. I think I shouldn’t live in this world after what I have experienced.” I was bullied by people around me. At a very young age, I received a lot of criticism. They said I was crazy, that I wouldn’t be able to get an education, that I would get pregnant… But I gave all these hurtful words to God and said, “Lord, I believe that you will do the exact opposite of what people say about me.”
And today I believe that God really has a good plan for me. If He hadn't, I would have been dead a long time ago, because I have tried to take my own life many times. I did it because I kept thinking that I was so tired of life. I thought to myself, "Will I never experience an easy and good day?" All I had experienced were difficult things. But little by little, God helped me understand that He has a plan for my life. That everything we experience will strengthen us to get through life's struggles. I learned from God's Word that while we are still in our mother's womb, God has a plan for us. No matter what we are going through right now, it is important that we do not give up. It does not matter if things are going slowly, as long as we do not give up. God's plan and purpose are always good. Despite the problems I have had, God has now allowed me to experience many good things. I have been able to go to school, and I am still studying today. I thought I would stay where I was forever, with no way to move forward, but when you understand God’s plan, you will begin to appreciate your life. Sometimes we say that life is so hard, but those things are simply a part of living. We will never truly appreciate life without these experiences, but when we have experienced tough things, we will thank God for His goodness. We will appreciate even the smallest things life gives us. So let’s keep going and never give up, because God has a plan for our lives. All glory and praise belong to our God.
