WITHOUT A MOTHER, WITHOUT A FATHER, WITHOUT LOVE
Hien is twenty. I met her at a Christian school in Cambodia, where she had been for about a month, doing a few different tasks, both in kindergarten and at school. My years of traveling around Asia have taught me to be interested in the life stories of everyone I meet here and there, so I asked to have a talk with Hien. Here’s what she shared with me.
I don't know who my father is, and I didn't know who my mother was until I was seventeen. She couldn't take care of me, so for the first eight years I lived with my grandparents. After that I was moved to a Christian home for orphans called Home of Love. There wasn't really much love in that place. When I was sixteen, I became very rebellious, and at 17 I was thrown out of the orphanage. I went back to my grandparents, and there was an uncle who arranged for me to move in with my mother. For me, this was an unknown woman, and I felt no connection or love for her at all. It was difficult to talk to her. My mother invited me to live at her house, but she had already married another man, so living there didn't work out well.
Q: How did your mother treat you when you moved in with her that week?
She didn't really want me there, but my uncle had persuaded her to do it.
Q: Did she give you a hug when you met her?
Of course not.
Q: Why "of course" not?
She didn't accept me at all, not for a single minute. The only reason I was allowed to stay there was because I had been thrown out of the orphanage. But at that time I didn't care whether she accepted me or not, because I was very rebellious and lived a worldly life. I drank, smoked, often went to bars and hung out with non-Christian friends. Even though I had grown up in a Christian orphanage and had heard about Jesus, I did not live as a Christian. Once, while I was living this wild life, I joined a Christian camp, organized by the orphanage where I had grown up. There was a boy there who shared his testimony. He had lived even worse than me but had now turned around and made Jesus Lord of his life. This testimony made a great impression on me, so when I was eighteen, I turned to Jesus. I started going to church and eventually got assignments there, including doing children's work.
Q: You grew up without a mother and father and to this day you don't know who your father is. What do you think when you hear about how God intended parents to show their children love?
It is really true, because those children who grow up and receive love do not have to be depressed and withdrawn and hurt.
Q: Do you miss love?
Before, I felt that I was sad and incomplete, but after I met the Lord, I have experienced that He has changed the situation. I can now receive love from others in the same situation, and I experience that God uses what I have experienced in a good way.
Q: What was it like to live a sinful life?
I must honestly say that it was fun and that I enjoyed it.
Q: Why did you choose to turn to the Lord?
When Jesus called me, I felt that the Holy Spirit touched me and showed me that this was not the life I was supposed to live. I have also now got a much better relationship with my mother, praise God.
Q: In what way?
Before, when we would talk to each other on the phone, it was just arguing. After I accepted the Lord, I decided to give my mother a gift, which was a long letter. Before, we had never asked each other, ‘how are you?’, we just argued. I wrote in the letter that I was sorry for the way I had behaved, that I hoped to get to know her better, and that I hoped that my life could be a glory to God. I also asked my mother if she knew about Jesus. She said yes that a pastor had told her the gospel. After this letter, the relationship has improved a lot. My mother has started going to church more and is much more active.
Q: What do you dream of, Hien?
To help children who are in the same situation as I was in, and also others who have a particularly difficult situation. But it is demanding to work with children like I do here at this school.
Q: Why?
Because of lack of experience, and too many children, so I can't keep track of them. If I use a loud voice, I get such a bad conscience. So when the kids take their nap after we have eaten lunch, I usually lie down and whisper in their ears that I am sorry that I shouted at them. Little by little I am learning to be patient. And it's such a blessing when the children come and hug and kiss me to show their love.
Q: Will you ever go back to your sinful life?
I have decided never to go back to this life, so I have asked God to protect me, including asking friends from that time not to contact me. That hasn't happened so far, so I'm glad.
